Idle or not, these hands are the devil's tools (Just kidding, the devil's not real).

Busy.

I swear, one minute I'm floating through my normal cycle of going to work & watching iCarly, then BAM! Project city. To quote the great Mandy Patinkin, "Lemme 'splain. No, is too much. Lemme sum up."

- Snake Baptist, one of my 700 bands, has self recorded & released it's debut ep entitled 'Churchmouth'. We spent a lot of time on the tunes & are very proud of the final product. The material itself is sort of a mix between being "Rhythmically off-kilter heavy" and "wall of sound noisy" at a pace that's spastic without leaning on some of the more expected techniques. It truly is music for the educated brain, the independent thinker. That's my way of saying you're a dipshit if you don't like it. Savy? This blog has a link to the band's Facebook, which has a link to the free download. Click, click, click. 

- Yesterday it was announced that another band of mine, Old Painless, would be opening for Converge in June. I don't think I need to say anything else about that. Do you?

- The Sawtooth Grin is nearing the end of the writing process for the new album. Jesus jumping Christmas shit! You read that right. I'm in the middle of learning & writing to 3 different tunes. We're about 2 or 3 songs away from being done with the writing & demoing. This has been a very long but gratifying experience and we can't wait to take the next step. Whatever that may be. Ready yourselves.

Lastly, a question for the masses. Music reviews... Should I be writing them? In this blog? On a semi-regular basis? I feel like I'd make some enemies, but that in and of itself might be the best reason to do it. Your thoughts?

this inaugural post will "tapeworm" your productivity OR you all had this coming

A couple of weeks ago I made a threat.
It wasn't of the "fist-shaking" variety, I'm much too passive-aggressive for that. But, in my own subtle way, I might as well have slapped your collective face with my glove. I was going to make a blog, and you were going to read it.
My objective was to create an environment fit to figuratively ensnare large game.    
The "game" was you.
The "Royal" you.
Everyone.
My opinions were the tools, my philosophies were the traps. If everyone read, laughed, & agreed, no one got hurt.

Now, as I sit here, barreling through a 122 song Tom Waits playlist, I'm faced with a harsh reality. I am the definition of unequipped to achieve this goal.
I'm not a writer.
This blog will be littered with mistakes. Spelling, Grammar, Sentence structure. I have a firm grasp on exactly none of these things. I can only attribute these failings to brain atrophy (or Dyslexia).

Of course, I'll be forging ahead regardless of my deficiencies. Naturally, my lofty goals have been hack-sawed down to a more manageable platform. Here are some bullet points:

- I'll have an idea, thought, opinion, or theory. Knowing that within a few moments, whatever I've conjured will escape me forever, I'll document it here. I'll occasionally post news about my life & projects, but never from a dramatic or depressed perspective, as I am neither of those things.

- You read my posts and either laugh (I'm very funny), Agree (I'm always right), or both (Your best option by far). You may opt to disagree or question my perspective, but why risk incurring the ridicule of your peers?

And that's about it. The Woodshed, in a nutshell. I'll be taking my leave now, you should consider following me.